I've had a strange weekend.
Stranger yet, nothing was really that out of the ordinary.
I've also been pulling out the ex files. never a good sign. i vaguely remember that show, though. i remember it had slogans like The Truth is Out There, Trust No One, and my favorite I Want to Believe. its almost too ridiculous a refernce point, the close phonetic nature of ex and x, the horribly despondent connatations when applied to a failed relationship, and not a show about investigeting the paranormal.
perhaps relationships are un-normal things then; I dont think we are particularly cut out for whole and utter devotion to another homo, um, sapaien.
Love seems like a general reaction to things that are supposed to happen in your life. Losing your virginity on prom night, watching someone kneel infront of you with a shiny stone, wanting to have children, wanting a nice house with a nice person, cooking for two, laughing at a joke, apple pie, r&b songs, watching someone drive, losing, winning, eating, sex. It does not really seem to happen corporally, naturally, and of its own accord. I think we watch romantic comedies for the same reason we watch horror films, beacuse the perfect fit of two overly attractive individiuals is just as much a myth as Godzilla or a wind that makes people kill themselves. yes, kill themselves.
It is so hard to pin when and how you are going to feel...anything. Often times i see people in the midst of it, and i just see reaction, a big fat six month reaction that will eventually tire itself out once everything does not become a novelty anymore. Love is just a word for minor and fairly justifiable infatuation. Infatuation over sex, empathy, hair, ego, compainionship, mind fuck. all these great things that we are lucky to be able to react too.
Im not saying its a bad thing. In fact i think it is great to react often, and as passionately as you can. I just feel that saying i do, for ever and ever or expecting your love to trump all other facets of timeless life is probably an unwise choice.
that said, i have glady opened the ex files and lay in bed some nights dozing off to sleep in some stupid and embarrassigly kitchy alter scenario. and so badly, somedays do I Want To Believe